It was just gas.

Last night was rough. Went to be at 11pm, but woke up every hour, on the hour, with back pain and pressure on my cervix. But no contractions. Not like the first time. So I didn't call anyone, I just waited. Plus, the first time, the tension was coming every 15-20minutes. This was every hour. It just... didn't seem the same to me.

So, I get up from work, feeling like crap, and still having those back aches and not-quite-contractions every hour. By 9am, I'm getting concerned, so I call in. The nurse calls me back and asks me some questions, but since they aren't full-on contractions and they are spaced way apart, it's probably just nothing, but just in case, start timing them. If they get less than 20 minutes apart, go to the ER.

Meanwhile, I have hemroids. Or just one. One GIANT one. Dear lord! This thing is the size of a small grape! And it HURTS! So I take my lunch at noon, and hit the Walgreens. I get a salad put on my ointment and get back to work. Two hours later, I feel what is most certainly the closest thing to a contraction that I've felt all day. Nice and strong. It's such a surprise that my trainee goes wide-eyed, grabs the phone and asks who to call. We call my doctor's office, and I get put on the wait list for a call-back. Meanwhile, I start timing.

5mins

10mins

15mins

And then.... gas. Lots of it. I mean, rank little steamboat put-put farts.

For an hour!

4pm and the nurse calls me back.

Nurse: Okay. What happened?
Me: Oh, I felt something like the contractions I felt earlier, but really strong...
Nurse: Go to the ER. I'll paged your doctor.
Me: No, I really don't think that's necesary. I started farting about 15mins after that contraction and now, 2 hours later, I'm feeling much better and the pressure is gone. It's just some minor back aches now, and that I can live with.
Nurse: Oh. Then it was-
Me: Just gas.